


Drowning in a Haze

by orphan_account



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Hiatus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:38:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6841177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiatus -- I just came up with an idea I like so much more than where I was going with this, so I'm temporarily putting this aside. Sorry! But it's going to be better (though not fluffier)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Part of me is telling myself writing a long, multi-chapter fic is a terrible idea, but I'm going to try. Goodness gracious let's see how this goes.
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](https://rose-by-the-sea.tumblr.com/)

“The world has little meaning unless it’s drowned in a haze of smoke and wine.”

It was a poetic thought, if a tad melodramatic, but seemed to ring true as gray wisps disappeared into the night air. There was a red stain on the end of the cigarette providing a rough outline of full lips, mocking her inability to rid herself of the things. Carol Aird smirked at the thought before taking another long drag from the cigarette.

“Bullshit.” A cigarette was dangling from Abby’s fingers, as well. “Tell your daughter that.”

Carol shrugged lazily, but dropped the butt onto the ground and crushed it beneath her heel. It was her balcony, she reasoned — she could pick it up later, so long as it was gone before Rindy came to visit. “I don’t think you have a right to judge.”

“Probably not, but I don’t have a darling little girl relying on me to stay cancer free.” Abby grinned slow and cat-like, but was met with a harsh glare.

“Don’t you dare.” Despite steel in Carol's voice, Abby laughed. “I mean it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, you wouldn’t have anyone to rant to, which would be an absolute tragedy,” Abby said simply, her voice light and teasing. “God knows you’re a dramatic.”

Indulging in Abby’s playful mood, Carol quirked her lips and crinkled her eyes in amusement. “No one else has the wit to keep up with my never-ending drama. And besides, if you went and died on me, there’d be no one left to make me eggs benedict. So don’t do anything stupid.”

Abby wrapped her lips around a cigarette and puffed defiantly, earning a quick slap to the arm. “So uptight. When was the last time you had a good fuck?”

It was an awkward question that Carol would have snapped at any other person for having asked, but it was Abby and Abby had long since given herself authority to ask such questions. Carol still scowled at her for it, though, and raised her nose indignantly. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Because I’m your friend?” Abby offered with a proud grin. “And nothing interesting’s been happening in my life, so I’m using yours as a source of entertainment.”

“And how am I the dramatic one?” Carol sighed while taking a sip of wine, relishing the taste. With each sip, her head got a bit more fuzzy and her words came easier. “Jesus, it’s been too long. A single, divorced mother of a seven year old girl isn’t exactly the biggest catch.”

“For starters, you would be an amazing catch. Look at you.” Their hands were linked loosely and swinging between their chairs aimlessly. “But I’m not talking about a forever sort of thing. I’m talking about a fun night that’ll make for a good story later on, no strings attached.”

Carol groaned. “That sounds so enticing.”

Abby rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Fine, do it your way. I’m just saying, you’ve been divorced for over a year and the only person I’ve ever seen you with is that one latina. Shit, what was her name.”

There was a pause. “Carmen.” 

“Carmen, that’s right,” Abby said as if the name really held any importance to her. “I’m just saying, it couldn’t hurt to have another girl like her for a while.”

“Maybe I want a boy this time,” Carol teased.

“Well, that would be a surprise,” Abby said dramatically, putting a strong emphasis on the second word. “I thought Harge was the last.”

“Never say never,” Carol said with a click of the tongue. Abby shrugged with disbelief, but didn’t protest further. They were both aware Carol wouldn’t go pursuing some boy or even man. The moment she did, Harge would be breaking down the apartment door demanding an explanation for why she left him if she was going to replace him with another man. “Honestly, though, I think I’ve resigned myself to spinsterhood.”

Abby chuckled and shook her head. “Even if you have, I haven’t. Come out with me tonight. We can get drunk on martinis and maybe one of us will get lucky, or at worst we’ll embarrass ourselves while dancing on the tables.”

“Abby,” Carol protested weakly, but the thought of staying at home alone and drowning in silence sounded like a living hell.

Abby’s phone went off and she rummaged around her bag for it, cigarette hanging from her lips. She flung it back in as quickly as she’d taken it out and shifted in her seat so she could properly face Carol. “Look, Rindy isn’t coming until over until Wednesday, right?” Carol nodded. “That’s plenty of time for you to make a fun mistake and a couple memories and still be mother of the year.”

“I don’t know when I’ve ever earned that distinction.”

“Oh, shut up,” Abby growled. “Don’t do this whole self-pity act with me. If you come out tonight and still have a miserable time, I’ll let you mope for as long as you want.”

It was foolish to expect Abby to accept any answer other than yes and, if Carol was being completely honest with herself, she didn’t particularly want to say no. “Fine, but I reserve veto rights.”

“Absolutely not,” Abby grinned. “Look, I got to go. My mother is apparently having some mouse related emergency that only I can solve. I’ll text you the details.”

Carol groaned, but there was nothing to be done except go along with Abby’s plans. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

“Nah, you’re fine. Stay out here and soak up the sun.” Abby kissed her cheek before retreating out of the apartment. “I’ll see you later. Remember to wear something pretty!”

The instant she heard the front door close, Carol downed the rest of her glass, fighting the urge to finish Abby’s, as well. She was already certain that the rest of the evening would be spent remind herself that going out was a good idea. Her phone buzzed and Carol couldn’t help but laugh at Abby’s persistence.

_ Remember, try to look pretty. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been doing research and writing long, boring essays and since it feels like Thursday but is only Tuesday, I feel like I need a break and so second chapter! Yay! Dialogue is much more fun to write than 10 page papers.

Carol was alone. Alone, tired, and somewhat uncomfortable as she leaned against the brick wall. Halfway through the evening, Abby’s eyes had drifted to a redhead in a green dress. Carol couldn’t blame her for her taste — the emerald fabric _did_ cling to her hips rather nicely — and after twenty minutes of skirting eyes and sentences trailing off into nothing, Carol encouraged her to go up to her. The two of them ended up leaving together, though not without a quick apology from Abby. It was difficult to take her serious when Abby’s grin took up half her face, but Carol waved her off with a smile.

“I’ll be fine, go,” she’d said.

It was ironic, to an extent, that Abby was the one to leave with someone after having spent so much time pressuring Carol into finding a girl. Still, Carol wasn’t disappointed with how the night had gone. At least, not for the most part. She had a few drinks, danced with a few strangers, and while she had no interest in going home with any of them, the night had made her feel rather attractive. 

Only after Abby left, Carol lost interest in staying at the club. An overwhelming craving for a cigarette overcome her and she’d politely shrugged away from an offer for a dance to go outside and satisfy the desire. The fresh air was a welcome difference from the stuffy atmosphere of the club, though it was immediately ruined by the cigarette Carol couldn’t keep herself from lighting.

As she inhaled the smoke, she watched club goers walk in and out of the doors. Most were coming out — couples leaning into each other like Abby had with the redhead were Carol’s favorite to watch. She wondered how many of them would regret their one night stands in the morning or a few would turn into something more. The stumbling drunks entertaining in their own way, what with their loud shouting and strange paths, but they lacked the mystery of the couples. Carol was well aware of how their stories would continue — coffee, headaches, and Advil.

Carol was watching a young couple entering a cab and finishing her cigarette when a small body stumbled into her. Carol looked down, somewhat annoyed, but her chastising remark was caught in her throat. The girl who’d fallen into her looked as if she was holding back tears and absolutely terrified of anything Carol might say to her. Before the awkward cycle of apologies could begin, a voice called out to the girl.

“Come on, Terry, I didn’t mean it that way!” A young man, handsome in a boyish sort of way, was just exiting the club. The girl seemed to shrink into herself and Carol automatically tensed. “Come back here!

“I’m sorry,” Terry, Carol surmised, apologized, ignoring the man behind them. “Are you okay?”

“I’m alright.” Carol raised an eyebrow, completely unimpressed with the man stumbling towards them. She was about to ask the girl if she needed any help, but she was already turning on her heels and walking away, the lovable chasing after.

He almost fell into Carol, as well, as he passed her by. “C’me on, Terry, just give me another chance. I love you!”

“I don’t love you!” the girl shouted. “We’re over, Richard. We’ve been over for two weeks now!”

Carol’s teeth clenched as she watched Richard chase after the poor girl with doe eyes. Without thinking, she fumbled for a piece of paper from her purse and chased after the girl. “Excuse me, miss, I think you dropped something.”

Richard looked offended by Carol’s presence, but had the sense to not say anything. Terry looked back at her with doe eyes and whispered a quiet, “Thank you.”

Carol offered a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Manners dictated that she give the young couple — ex couple — space to address their arguments, but she refused to move. She did not trust the boy to be alone with the girl, not with the way he kept chasing after her.

“Terry, can we just go somewhere and talk?” Richard asked in a whining tone and something inside of Carol snapped.

“Do you make it a habit of stalking young women who want nothing to do with you, or is this just a one time engagement?”

Despite being in the city, everything seemed to go silent for a moment. Richard looked insulted, the girl’s brown eyes were opened wide in awe, and even Carol was shocked by what had just left her mouth. Still, it was out in the open and she could not take it back.

“Excuse me?” Richard asked.

“Leave with what dignity you have left,” Carol hissed.

“You don’t have the right to tell me what to do,” Richard protested, but the young girl seemed to find her courage.

“Just go, Richard,” she whispered, but it had its own sort of force behind it.

There was a pause — a long horrible pause in which Carol was certain he’d do something violent and foolish, but he didn’t. Dejected and drunk, Richard growled something Carol couldn’t quite make out and retreated. They watched him go, Carol and the girl, half waiting for him to turn back.

“Thank you,” the girl mumbled once she was sure he was truly leaving. “He’s not so bad, when he’s sober.”

“I’m sure he’s a delight.” Carol extended a hand and offered an encouraging smile. “Carol Aird.”

“Therese Belivet.”

“Therese?” Carol asked. “Not Terry?”

Therese laughed at that. It was not a loud or hearty laugh, but it was genuine and it made Carol smile. “That’s just a stupid nickname. I never really liked it.”

“Well, then, Therese,” Carol repeated the name once more for good measure. “Well I would offer to buy you a drink, but I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for any more alcohol. How about coffee? To make up for this whole dreadful ordeal.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to,” Therese said quickly with a blush. “Really, I was the one who tripped into you and—”

It was sweet, Carol thought, the way she accepted all the blame, but Carol would have none of it. “Nonsense. I insist you let me buy you coffee and in return, you can tell me a bit about what I just saved you from.” She winked playfully.

Therese smiled shyly in a way that oddly reminded Carol of the deer that Rindy liked to feed in the countryside. She nodded, too, which was the important thing and gave into Carol’s request. “Alright. I’d like that.”

As Carol led Therese to a nearby coffeeshop — the coffee was awful, but what was to be expected past midnight? — she wondered if this was what Abby had meant by having a night of memories. For some reason, she thought not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for you lovely folks who've made it to here -- which do you prefer? More frequent updates (two or three times a week) with shorter chapters (circa 1000 words) or less frequent (roughly once a week) and longer (potentially 3000+)? Please let me know and I'll go with what the majority desires.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://rose-by-the-sea.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unsure how I managed, but here's a third chapter. Looks like most people are saying more frequent but shorter (they're not going to be THIS frequent. This is just a nice fluke), but I'll try to make them a little longer, too, from here on out.
> 
> Important question: Y'know that red head in the film? Did she have a name?

Abby had been the one to leave with someone from the club to go to an apartment, yet as she watched Therese protest Carol’s paying for the terrible beverages and look at her with wonderstruck eyes, she couldn’t help but think it was still some form of a victory. Even if it was only because she’d spared the girl an even more awkward conversation with an ex, Carol appreciated the way the girl looked at her.

“So,” Carol said once they’d taken a seat at a booth. “Tell me something about yourself, Therese Belivet.”

“Does it have to be about Richard?” Therese asked with a half laugh.

Carol shook her head. “Not at all.”

Despite having been joking, Therese looked genuinely relieved that the conversation did not have to focus around Richard and Carol almost felt guilty over still harboring curiosity about the two of them. “Well, I’m photographer. For the Times.”

“My, isn’t that impressive?” Carol trailed her finger around the rim of her cup in a thoughtless sort of way. A habit she’d picked up from long, boring meals with her ex’s family when she couldn’t think of anything particularly witty to say. “I’m sure you’re quite talented.”

“No, not really, but I like the work.” Therese shrugged in a way that made Carol thinking it wasn’t just false modesty. It was a trait she despised in people. So many artists, she’d found, acted as if they had no knowledge of their talent simply for the sake of gaining sympathy. “I suppose it’s mainly just people that I have trouble photographing.”

“I’m sure you’re better than you give yourself credit for,” Carol said.

Therese was going to respond, but must have sipped on her coffee too quickly and ended up coughing violently. Between coughs, she tried to sip on her drink to stop them, but thinking it wouldn’t work, Carol got up and fetched a glass of water. Therese smiled thankfully as she downed the drink and regained her ability to breath.

“Thank you,” Therese gasped once she finally regained her voice. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s fine,” Carol said.

Therese put the glass back down. “So, what do you do?”

“Besides saving stray girls on the street?” Carol smirked at the way Therese looked away. “I own a bookstore.”

“Really?” Carol noted the way Therese leaned forward involuntarily, as if she were genuinely interested in what Carol had to say.

“I do,” Carol said with a smile. “It’s nothing special, but I get to read.”

“I wish I had more time to read,” Therese admitted. “Recently I’ve been a bit distraction.”

Carol cocked her head to the side and wondered if the distraction was they boy named Richard. She wanted to ask, of course, but she still worried that Therese would take flight at the slightest mention of his name. So instead, Carol focused on the conversation at hand.

“What do you like to read?”

“Oh, lots of things. I have a friend, Danny, who’s been trying to get me to read Spinoza.”

“Spinoza?” Carol would be lying if she said that she wasn’t impressed. “That’s quite some heavy reading.”

“He was inspired by Einstein, I think. He’s a physicist — Danny, I mean, although I guess Einstein was, too, right?” Carol nodded at Therese’s babbling. “Anyway, Danny thought that I would like his Ethics, but I haven’t had time to start any of it.”

Carol watched the way Therese fiddled with her coffee cup. “It’s a good book, if you ever have the time.”

“Have you read it?”

“I have,” Carol said. “I own a few copies of it. If you ever find the time to read it, I could lend you a copy, if you’d like.”

“Thank you,” Therese said. “I’d like that.” Carol smiled slightly and nodded. Therese was staring intently at the brown liquid in her cup and thinking about something Carol couldn’t quite decipher. “I just want to say thank you again. For helping me out earlier. He wouldn’t have done anything all that bad, but, well, thank you.”

“Of course.” Carol didn’t say anything else out of fear she would scare Therese off.

Therese hesitated a moment, but Carol’s patience paid off and she continued to talk. “He’s a good person, he’s just…” Therese shrugged weakly.

“Not for you?” Carol offered.

“I suppose so.” Therese’s voice cracked lightly on the last word. Tears were starting to form in the corner of her eyes and she rubbed them away furiously. “I’m sorry, you’ve been so kind and I’m just sitting here crying.”

Carol placed a hand over Therese’s and squeezed it lightly. “You have no reason to apologize.”

Therese was still sniffing and fighting back tears, but she nodded nonetheless. Carol kept her hand over Therese’s a moment longer before withdrawing it in an attempt to keep up decency. “Thank you,” Therese repeated once more.

“You don’t have to keep saying that,” Carol insisted. The strangeness of their conversation dawned upon her. She glanced at her coffee, half gone, awful, and slowly going cold. It was late, Therese was a crying stranger, but Carol couldn’t bring herself to leave her to her own devices. “It was my pleasure.”

A beautiful, weak smile found its way onto Therese’s face. “I still feel like I owe you something for everything, though.”

“Well, then, next time you can buy me coffee.” It wasn’t meant to be as flirtatious as it sounded. “Would you like to? Have a next time, I mean.”

Therese bit her bottom lip. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” Carol said, more pleased with herself than she ought to have been. Despite Therese’s watery eyes and shaking voice, Carol was drawn to her doe-like innocence and the way she smiled every time Carol said a kind word. “And next time there’ll be better coffee.”

A small giggle escaped Therese’s lips. “It’s terrible, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely horrible,” Carol agreed. Therese’s eyes were drying and for that, Carol was thankful. “We’ll find a better spot next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://rose-by-the-sea.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

“I’ve got coffee!” Abby shouted a bit too loudly for nine o’clock in the morning and most definitely too loud for a mostly empty bookstore. Carol’s eyes shot up from the poem she’d been reading and mouthed an apology at an affronted looking customer. She glared at Abby as she hoped behind the counter, but Abby was intently oblivious. “Consider it an apology for ditching you Friday night.”

“As it should be,” Carol smirked, but she took the coffee anyway. “So, how’d your night go with that redhead? I didn’t hear from you at all yesterday.”

Abby grinned back at her. “Yeah, sorry about that. Kinda got distracted with Lilian.” She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly and bit her bottom lip. “We’re going to go out again. This Saturday.”

“Oh, a real date?” The coffee burned Carol’s tongue, but she had run out of time to make her own that morning, so the caffeine was a welcome rush. “Isn’t she lucky?”

“Very,” Abby teased. She pressed a shoulder into Carol’s side and cocked her head up in an attempt to look innocent. “So, how did the rest of your evening go?”

Carol took a sip of coffee and pretended to think long and hard about it. “Nothing much. Had another drink, danced with a few strangers, took a girl out to coffee.”

Abby slapped her arm excitedly and squealed loudly. Carol hissed at her to be quiet, thankful that the customer from before was no longer in ear shot. “Tell me all about it,” Abby demanded, ignoring the volume of her voice and Carol’s frustration. “Why on earth did you take a girl out to coffee instead to bed?”

“I will tell you if you lower your voice.” Abby nodded anxiously, though no doubt she would forget the agreement the next time Carol said anything of interest. Carol sighed and continued. “Outside of the club, when I was leaving, there was a young woman getting chased by her ex. I stepped in and took her out to coffee after he left.”

“That’s it?” Abby looked disappointed at the unsexiness of it all. “You just took her out to coffee? You didn’t get rewarded for bring her knight in shining armor or anything?”

“Don’t be an idiot, she was crying,” Carol chastised.

Abby shrugged. “Was she cute at least?”

Carol rolled her eyes and took another sip of her copy. “Yes, if you must know.”

“Good God, it’s like pulling teeth with you. Well, was she playing for both teams or were you just being a good person and or some shit like that?”

“I don’t know, Abby,” Carol sighed. “Like I said, she was crying. I didn’t think to ask.”

Abby leaned back in her chair and looked Carol over, a smirk proudly stuck on her lips. “Bullshit. One look at you and she’d be head over heels. Pretty blonde knight coming to her rescue in the middle of the knight?”

“Well, I’ll have an opportunity to ask her tonight.” Carol looked down into her coffee with great intent, purposefully avoiding Abby’s eye.

Abby elbowed Carol in the side with extreme impatience. “Well, that makes it much more interesting! What’s her name?”

“Therese.”

“For the love of God, Carol, do I have to prompt every answer out of you?”

Carol shrugged cryptically. “Enough about me. Tell me more about your evening. Lily?”

“Lilian.” It didn’t surprise Carol that Abby was quick to drop the subject, though there was a moment’s hesitation before she did. “Jesus Christ, she’s fucking phenomenal. Looks even better out of that dress than she does in it.”

“I don’t doubt it for a moment.” Carol rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the bit of mirth in them. “How’d you manage to trick her into going out with you again?”

“Maybe I’m just that good,” Abby grinned wildly. Carol prayed no one had heard and glared fiercely at her. “Well, truth be told, I didn’t exactly think it was going to be a more than once type thing, but somehow she wound up making breakfast.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Abby grunted. “Well, she’s vegan, so not entirely perfect.” Carol laughed and earned a scowl. “But at least I actually got laid instead of just buying a girl coffee.”

“Oh, hush.” Her wandering customer was coming towards them and she barked an order at Abby to stay silent as she rang him up. He smiled politely, but his eyes kept drifting back to Abby and her, looking somewhat nervous to be near them. Without turning around, Carol could tell Abby was wearing an enormous grin and was immensely grateful when the man left.

“Don’t you have employees to do this for you?”

“Believe it or not, some of us do our own work on occasion,” Carol said pointedly. Abby shrugged in good natured manner and motioned to the coffee as if it provided some sort of excuse. Carol rolled her eyes as she sat back down.

Abby was chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought. “Are you sure you’re okay going out with her?”

“Abby,” Carol warned. She hated that tone — filled with worry and the suppressed urge to intervene in Carol’s life. It was filled with good intentions and love, but Carol didn’t know what to do with it, which turned into fear and hatred.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I get it, she was crying in the street and she was crying, but if she’s straight, then she’s straight. Don’t get pined up over her, okay?” Abby was looking at her with large, begging eyes. Rindy had learned the look from Abby, after realizing Carol couldn’t say no to it, however hard she might try.

“You’re being far too dramatic for a single date,” Carol teased softly. “Besides, shouldn’t I be more worried about you with your redhead?”

Abby lowered her eyes in warning. “Carol, just promise me.”

“Of course I promise, stop worrying so much,” Carol said with an indulgent smile. “Jesus Christ, it’s just dinner, Abby.”

“And you’re you,” Abby said pointedly. “No one does intense like you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters should be getting longer from here on out and more plot driven. 
> 
>  
> 
> [link Tumblr](https://rose-by-the-sea.tumblr.com/)


End file.
